Starting out is hard. On the outside, I appear calm and collected. However, my insides are frightened to their core. I’m entering the world as an individual, alone. I’m as if a child in the dark; not sure where I’m exactly going or how to place my footing. Most times I try to avoid making confrontation with the world as much as possible. Truth is, people scare me. Not because I’m afraid of judgment, but for the reason that I don’t know what I am doing half the time. I know who I am in an eternal sense, but my character is still to be unknown, even to me.
But that’s the great thing about starting something new for the first time. Isn’t it? The uncertainty of it all gives me a chill of thrill. In a good and frightening way, but mostly one that shocks every nerve in my being with fantastic delight. For the longest time I’ve been a pile of wishes. And never making anything happen. And not because I lacked the courage or the fear of commitment, but I just had this thought (and still do at times) that what I have to offer the world doesn’t matter. And truthfully, I can’t change the whole world with my little blog, but maybe, just maybe, I can change a pool of people. Even if that pool just includes myself.
I am here because I am tired of waking up every day wishing that I would be able to express my passion in some way, shape, or form. I love writing! And when I came to the conclusion one day, I asked myself… Well, why aren’t you writing then? And dang it, I mean to. I mean to. But it’s been a struggle to realize that I don’t have to be famous or even known at all for my words to matter. And I think this is the biggest problem with mankind – that you have to be “somebody” to attempt the unknown. Why can’t everyone be a somebody? A really good mom. A really talented 11th grader. A super hip dad. Why can’t an average person by realized for the miracles they perform everyday?
The miracle I performed today was simply this: I got up from bed, I went to school, and I kissed my husband goodbye for work, and now I am here. At my humble writing desk, pondering on where I want to lead my life. Even in the smallest, simplest of ways. I don’t want to be a forgotten voice. Even if no one listens, I know that I at least made an effort to pursue a life dream. And that will be enough for me.
Disclaimer: Now I have the tendency to philosophize about life quite a bit. Should my counsel be heeded? I highly discourage it. Half of the words that spew from my ill-used mouth do not make much sense at all. Somehow in my head, they do though. But when I try to justify my thoughts, my words betray me. I’m not mighty with words, be fair-warned. Writing is far from crowning, also. But what I can say, I will. With whatever words I can curiously find. Will I make a difference in this universe? Maybe not, but maybe so. I know it will make a difference in my life. On this path to self realization, I will create a better person of myself then I was the day before.
I send this message of thought out into this vast void, hoping for a better tomorrow. What are you hoping for?